Silly Rabbit, Eastr is 4 Jesus

Silly Rabbit, Easter is for Jesus!
By Moonywerecat87

So if you’re the typical person, confused about the connection between the Christian Messiah rising from the dead and saving all the believers from death and the big doofy bunny that lays multi-colored eggs and chocolate surprises (weird, right?) and were too lazy to look it up on Google, here’s something new for you to learn (cause knowledge is power!).

As with all major commercialized holidays, it all began with the Pagans. Springtime is the time when new life blossoms around us; the snow is melting, the grass and flowers are growing, little birdies tweet outside out windows at 5:00 am without fail, and all the little mammals mate like there’s no tomorrow. Especially those rabbits, am I right? The pagans noticed this (how could they not?) and so they figured that the hare, a big rabbit, was the sacred animal of the great goddess of fertility, Eastre (Ostara).  The Church, in its endless quest to convert the heathens decided to have the Resurrection celebration around the same time as the original pagan festival.

Now, what’s with the colored egg crap? It’s those silly Germans again!  Well, actually, the eggs originated even earlier than good old Eastre when the pagans connected eggs with the symbolism of new life and fertility (kinda’ makes you wanna not find those colored eggs in the grass, right?), rebirth, and abundance. They used eggs in lots of ceremonies for resurrected gods (Just like Jesus! Except not Jesus because they didn’t know about him and such). So the Germans somehow finagled the old pagan rituals into the legend of the “Oschter Haws”, or “Easter Hare”, the magical springtime layer of colored eggs in the nests that children made in the yard. The Oschter Haws would also leave gifts of sweetbread, which the crazy little beleibt kinder would eat with glee and gusto.

When this lovely tale traveled over to America the hare was somewhat diminished in population, so the Oschter Haws became the Easter Bunny and has brought eggs and candy to the increasingly obese children of the good old U.S. of A.

Therefore Jesus rises from the dead and the bunny is so thrilled by this rebirth he shits out colored eggs in your yard.

Pax pacis sicco, canis.